Myanmar Blog » Notes » Dear J.
Dear J.
Don’t ever…
Don’t ever be reluctant to show your feelings when you’re happy, give in to
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The past year was really a trying time for me. It was really sad to see you walk away, knowing that you will never come back to me. I was fine for a few days, but then the reality began to sink in, and I realised you were no longer mine.
That’s when the worst chapter of my life began. I was strong enough to live on, but I was not strong enough to get over the whole thing. I wrote a million of unsent letters to you, saying how much I missed “us”. I couldn’t figure out what I have done wrong to be forsaken. I couldn’t understand why you would choose someone else over me. I couldn’t understand why we had to say goodbye.
I questioned myself everyday. I was frustrated because I couldn’t give myself any satisfactory answer. I stopped listening to music and watching romance movies because they all reminded me of “us”. And I wondered if you felt the same. I stared at my phone for hours hoping you would just call or text me. Of course, that didn’t happen, and I remember feeling totally miserable.
Months and months went by, and I was living in such a delusion, hoping that one day, you would realise how much I love you, and that you would come back to me. When my friends asked me if I was over you, I would answer yes, but to tell you the turth, I was secretly hoping we would be back together soon.
But as people say, time does cure your wounds. After a year or so, I began to see the truth. The truth that hurted me at that time, but it also opened my eyes. I realised that we were not together anymore because we were not meant to be. And I realise that it is ok to break up with the one you love. I also realised that you shouldn’t rely on anyone for your happiness but yourself.
Now two years down the track, and I can finally smile and say I am ok. And no, I haven’t forgotten about you, and I think there is no need to. I remember you as someone I used to love, and someone I used to share many passionate moments with. But I do not feel the need to be with you anymore. And I am happy for you, for your new relationship and your new family. The best thing is, I am not angry at you anymore for breaking up with me. I feel so much better after being free from all those deception, anger, and self-pity. I still think of you from time to time, but if you asked me to come back to you, I am definitely going to say No. Not because I hate you, but because I have learnt to let go of the past.
I used to wonder what I would do or say if I met you on the streets. Now I don’t think about it anymore, because I have finally accepted the truth. And guess what, I am ok and I am happy.
B.
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