Thanks to my daughter, I have become thoroughly sensitized to environmental issues. Recently I purchased a greeting card, and when the cashier started to place it in a plastic bag, I remembered my daughter’s repeated warnings and immediately declined its use.
“I’ll be mailing that quickly,” I told the clerk. “You can take the bag back.”
“Okay. […]
Last week was my birthday
And I didn’t feel very well
Waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast
Hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
‘Happy Birthday!’,
And possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out,
She barely said good morning,
Let alone
‘Happy Birthday.’
I thought…
Well, that’s marriage for you,
But the kids…
They will remember.
My kids came bounding down […]
A young engineer was leaving the office at 6:00 pm when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
“Listen,” said the CEO, “This is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?”
“Certainly,” said the young engineer. He turned the machine on, […]
There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The woman’s face was burned severely. The doctor told the husband they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was so skinny. The husband then donated some of his skin…however, the only place suitable to the doctor was from his buttocks. The […]
A man in Chicago calls his son in New York the day before Christmas and says, “I hate to ruin Christmas this year, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams. “We can’t stand the sight […]
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Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President. You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car Mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have […]
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